The Prayers of a Brave Girl

It was one of those days for me. You know. The ones where your picking a fight for no reason with your poor husband. You could swear your kid just got over their last cold like 30 minutes ago and he suddenly has a new one. You are stressing over the felt cake topper or the plastic one cause everyone is going to remember it for years to come. Your avoiding phone calls for no reason and not answering texts cause if one more person asks you the same question one more time you juuuuuust might loose it! Then you go and try to connect with God and the atmosphere is so dead that you can't even hear the crickets. ((Sigh)) So here I am  sitting in my "spot", my quiet place, thinking. Thinking on why I let such dumb things cause me to act out... and suddenly as if a drop of water had fallen from heaven on dry land, the Holy Spirit drops Psalm 26:2 down to the core of my heart.

"Examine me, O Lord, and prove me; test my heart and my mind."

I can 't help but think of how brave that prayer or Psalm was...is. This is pretty much giving access to the Holy Spirit to pull up to the surface all the junk that lies in the depths of my heart and mind. I don't know about you...but that scares me a little. I mean. Ok. What does God not know about me right? So, I'm not afraid of what he will "find out". I'm more afraid of what I will find out. What are the hidden sins in my heart? What has my mind been conspiring against me? What are the secrets that I'm keeping from myself? What if my suspicions are real? This is almost like the person that suspects they have a serious condition but never go to the doctor cause they are afraid of what they will find out. They are hoping that it would just go away on its own...but it never does, does it? 
David, the author of that verse was far from being the model of perfection and yet God calls him a man after His own heart! So even after he murdered a man, stole his wife, disobeyed God. What made him different than all the other men? From the previous king?

Surrender.

Yep. That's it. He was a man surrendered to God. He desired to do God's will even when his humanity got the best of him. He allowed God to mess him up to make something better in him. He chased to God instead of away from God after sinning. After angrily yelling at the kids. After wondering what it would be like to be married to someone else. After talking about others behind their backs. After lying to try to get out of something. After desiring to be more like them instead of being more like you. After going just a little too far with that guy...Sound familiar?

The only way to get better is to confront what ever is making us sick. To hear the truth, even if it hurts. To allow Jesus to rush in to our hearts. To destroy what was once a comfort to us and then let Jesus the Carpenter, the Healer, come and rebuild it all into a masterpiece. It will take time, sweat, sanding...but most of all our will.

David was known as the greatest king to have ever reigned. Not because he was perfect but because he prayed a simple yet profound prayer, "...search my heart and mind."

I've realized that truly I CANNOT stay the way that I am! I'm so desperate for Him to come and heal this treacherous heart of mine! I want to be a woman after the very heart of GOD! I CANNOT wait any longer! Not a second more! 

CAN YOU?

Today is a great day for us to invite the Holy Spirit to come and search our hearts and minds...to mess us up. It is no doubt a brave prayer, but it is answered in the most gentlest and loveliest of ways. We just have to say. "YES".

Prayer starter:

Dear Jesus! We love you! We desire you! Our hearts and minds have dark places that need you! We can't do life crippled and sick. So we need you to come and search us! Search our hearts and minds! Reveal to us what needs you! Holy Spirit we give you full access to dig deep and heal! Help us to not be good mothers, wives, daughters, sisters, but GODLY ones! Help us to be women after your very own precious heart! We yield our hearts and minds to you...